No lines to get in and never a cover charge
So today I had the very good fortune of having some professional headshots taken. I have been thinking about this for years now, but always felt kind of silly setting it up for myself. However, I finally listened to the advice of the smart gals I like to surround myself with and had some shots done.
I [...]
Posted in Our Member's Posts, That Happened to Me.
Singlegal
Yesterday, I deleted my OK Cupid dating profile. I proclaim failure. I updated Mid-Month, and nothing really changed. I sent ten or so more messages. Three or four of the guys actually viewed my profile. But in the end – nothing.
I did take away a valuable, but painful, lesson from this experience. When I first reentered the dating world, there were two major hurdles I knew I was going to have to deal with (in addition to several minor to mid-minor ones, but we all have those). Without sharing what those hurdles actually are, I will say that I didn’t find them to be a major burden right off – and that was encouraging. But, when I dived into the dating nitty-gritty, I realized that they are, indeed, the obstacles I perceive them to be. The resounding silence I found on OK Cupid confirmed that for me, and now it’s time for me to take a step back and figure out how I will “deal” with these issues.
This is the first time ever I haven’t been “out” there. The superstitious part of me has believed since the beginning that I need to be available in some form or another should my Soulmate come looking. But this is a new dawn, and a new day, and I’m pretty sure he’s not there right now. And so down all the dating profiles have come. I find myself officially “off” the virtual market.
In truth, I need to give Hope a vacation. As an emotion, she’s been with me the entire time, doing her best to keep mechipper and perky. My little cheerleader! But, I need to give her a rest. Disappointment has been the far more dominant party this year and as defeatist as this sounds, I need to let him win for awhile. I’m not sending Hope away entirely, but I am giving her some time off. I fear if I don’t, she may leave for good some day and never return.
Somehow, in all of this, I seem to be making some progress with Art of My Aloneness. I seem to be transitioning from the weeping and sobbing about how this isn’t what I want (and it’s not) into a more practical and productive phase of how I’m going to make the most of singlehood. It’s baby steps, at best, and I hope I’m not confusing numbness with progress but I think I’m adjusting – slowly, but as best I can.
What do I want? In a short time, I want to be writing more positive posts again. I want to find that girl I was a year ago with her amazing attitude and tap into her. I want to be able to share with you all the amazing discoveries I’ll be making as I progress into this next, redefined chapter of my life. And I want to rediscover the appreciation I have for myself and my experiences. Mostly, I just want to smile and laugh again on a regular basis.
Doesn’t sound like too much, does it?
Posted in Our Member's Posts, SuddenlySingles.
GoodbyeGal
I’ve always been much of a homebody and while I love to go out, socialize, and travel if given the choice I would stay home. Alone. At times my friends have reprimanded me for my hermit tendencies, but I can’t help be who I am and that girl likes her alone time and space.
Before Ex moved out I often felt crowded by his presence even if he were in a whole other part of the house. I spent a lot of time in my room, which was my only escape where I could close a door and be alone. It made me a little claustrophobic, but I just reminded myself that some day soon I would get the space and solidarity I was so desiring of.
That day finally came and now it’s just me (and my 2 cats). I don’t have to worry about anyone but me. I can clean and five minutes later it’s still clean! There is no one here to pick up after, no one expecting company from me, no one breathing down my neck.
I may have been too careless when I invited Beefcake into my home last Tues night to watch a movie. While the time we spent together was enjoyable I think he may have gotten the impression that there was room for him in my life. He started the following day with the “let’s do this & that” which is to be expected when a guy is into you.
Beefy works nights and when we spoke Thursday I joked to him that he should come by when he got off of work in the morning and cook me breakfast. Sure enough 6:30 the next morning guess who is at my door! He cooked and even cleaned up after himself, which was nice.
I invited him to come back later that evening to hang out as it was his night off and I was expecting a friend over. Thought it would be good to get a second opinion about the guy. He showed up late with out calling to let me know he was behind schedule. I had assumed he was not coming and left him a voice mail stating it, but as my friend and I were heading out to get a bite to eat guess who pulls up?
We all head off to dinner then back to my place. At this point it was late and despite talk of watching a movie I decided to go to bed. Beefy stayed over but I assure you there was no funny business. It had become apparent to me at this point that he was a heavy smoker, which is a major turn off for me. I get a headache if the car in front of me on the highway is smoking so I was not too impressed with him at this point.
He spent all of Saturday with me helping me clean around the house and tried to fix my Central Air unit, which resulted in him getting attacked by hornets! Apparently there was a nest in the A/C unit and they were not to pleased with him messing with their home. Then there was the hole in my yard he stepped in and twisted his ankle. I’d never noticed that hole before, but you would think being in a strange place you would be more careful, no? I hate to laugh, but I find it highly amusing.
All through the day he would sneak away for cigarettes. When we first started talking he told me he smokes cigars. I don’t mind that and cigars are usually smoken at leisure, not on a regular like cigarettes. It started to bother me around mid-morning when the headache came and I knew this wasn’t going to work out. Then there were these wheezing sounds that would come out of no where. Already annoyed by the smell of him this was just too much for me to handle and I was starting to feel like he might never leave.
I waited till dinner was done and we had finished watching a movie he brought over (which he spent the whole time talking though and distracting me … strike three perhaps?). Then I told him I felt like I needed to go to bed. He assumed this meant with him and that’s when I told him he had to go.
I thanked him for everything as I helped him gather up his things….making sure there was nothing left behind that would give him an excuse to return… and showed him to the door.
A little over a week on my own and now I can add this very important lesson about living single to my list. This is the last time I invite a guy into my home before knowing for sure that I don’t mind him hanging about. Oh and I will be adding the NO Smokers to my dating profile, which I now know is a must!
Posted in Our Member's Posts, SuddenlySingles.
I have been thinking a lot recently about what I want out of a relationship. This train of thought started a couple of months ago when someone from my past reappeared in my life with promises of a future. I began to question whether or not I wanted that person back in my life. The main question I could not (and still can’t) answer was whether or not that person could be and do the things I want in a relationship. I started to realize that the only way to truly know the answer to that question was to figure out what exactly I am looking for. So here, dear readers, is a list of my criteria for achieving the ideal relationship:
1. Mostly importantly the person needs to be emotionally ready and opened to the idea of a relationship. That means no recent or pending divorces or breakups.
2. The person needs to be willing to provide me with an adequate amount of attention. This could include phone calls, text messages, emails, instant messages or even Facebook posts. Anything that let’s me know you are interested and thinking of me. But there is also that fine line between enough attention and too much attention.
3. Someone who is willing to include me in their life. I don’t expect or want to spend every waking moment together but it would nice to know when you have other plans or when we might get to see each other. Also meeting their friends is another way to include me in their life. I would like to think the friends have at least heard the person is seeing someone.
Obviously this is just a start. I do intend to compile a more complete list in the future. And to answer the question, no, the person from the past does not meet any of these criteria. What I don’t know is if he is capable of meeting these if really given the opportunity. I might not ever know the answer to that one.
Posted in Just Say Julie, Our Member's Posts.
Wow. What a week.
What started out as a run-of-the-mill busy week of professional obligations for me turned into a bizarre series of news “events,” stories of death, divorce and revolution. At first, I felt merely like a witness to a string of unrelated events, but then I noticed a theme emerging, rather more than one, that [...]
Posted in Our Member's Posts, That Happened to Me.
Singlegal
Today, I’m bringing you a blog post that has NOTHING to do with singlehood. Breathe a sigh of relief!
I’m bringing my eulogy to Michael Jackson. I know, there are 100 of other bloggers out there doing the same thing, but I imagine for most of you, Michael Jackson’s untimely passing brings about a whole host of favorite childhood memories brought about by his music. Here’s mine.
Thriller was the very first cassette tape I ever owned. I found it nestled in between the board games of a department and figured it was destiny. I read the liner notes and played that tape until it wore itself thin. And then I bought another one.
I spent countless hours learning the words and crafting a dance to “Pretty Young Thing”. I pretended Michael was singing it to me directly. When my “dance” was complete, I performed it for parents. I think they were less than impressed. So I moved on to “Wanna Be Starting Something”.
I remember my Grandmother putting MJ on a the local TV. “That young man can dance!” she proclaimed, and expressed intense curiosity in this “moonwalking” phenomena. My grammy was a cool cat.
I distinctly remember the scuttle-butt in grammar school when MJ supposedly set his famous sequined glove on fire, and singed his hair! Was he OK? We were concerned. And was he really dating Madonna? How cool was that. Their babies would be so cool, they would be born singing pop music.
And Ex. When the mood struck him, he did this amazing, naked dance rendition to “Can’t Stop Till You Get Enough”. It had to be seen to be believed, but there were few occasions where he exemplified such levity, it made me laugh until my stomach hurt.
Now, I sit in an office full of coworkers, sharing our favorite MJ memories. Did you have the life-size poster? The red jacket? Do you remember being scared at the Thriller video or surprised he married Lisa Marie? I’ve just giggled with two coworkers I’ve barely known until now. And you know what, it’s nice.
So, thank you, Michael. You brought me a lot of joy in my life, and I know many others share this same sentiment.
Posted in Our Member's Posts, SuddenlySingles.
Thanks to @WithGrace for our Wonderful Blog Badge!
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